Trump to America: "Did you love my huge, huge, first week?"

By Robert Presser on February 5, 2017

Dear Americans,

I am doing Fantastic, I know you think so.  I feel it, feel it clearly, no matter what the dishonest media is reporting.  Spicer did an amazing job, totally amazing, Spicer was, standing up to the White House reporters, telling them that I had the biggest inauguration crowd ever, ever!  Period!  Way to tell’em!  Spicer and I are going to get along great, great guy, Spicer is.

Obamacare is history, I made it so on day one, everyone saw me do it.  I love executive orders, it’s just like running a business, sign the papers and make it so, but Reince tells me it is more complicated than that.  We’ll see, we’ll see.  I have the power, TRUMP has the power!  I met with Ryan, good guy, smart guy, he’ll get my orders through Congress if he wants to be President after me, one day, he’ll do it, you’ll see.

Keeping promises, writing exec orders on immigration, the wall with Mexico, hiring freeze on federal employees (but not the military, love’em!) meeting with industry and workers to cut regulation and taxes, busy, busy, busy!  Great office, the Oval office, changed the drapes,  put back Winston Churchill where he should be.  I like heros, the ones that don’t get shot.  Winston is a hero, real hero, took on the Nazis and beat’em with our help.  When I talked to Putin I was looking at Winston all the way through the call, inspiring!  Putin’s no Hitler, but he’s a tough, tough customer, got to put America first while we do deals to stamp out radical Islamic terrorism, get close but not too close, you know?  Rex Tillerson tells me that.  What was that saying about keeping your friends close but enemies closer?  Smart advice, whoever said it, I’ll get Reince to look it up and put in on the wall above Churchill’s bust, just to remind me.  So much to remember here!

Speaking of calls, the Mexican president, what’s his name, Pena, he’s not coming.  Didn’t want to face me, the great negotiator, ‘cause he knew, knew, knew he would lose on paying for the wall!  No more out-negotiating the United States with me in charge!  America will win, win for our workers, and Mexico will have to make big changes in order to trade with us.  $60 billion-dollar trade deficits are history, over, no more, I tell you.  I’m not going to waste my time jogging with him like Trudeau did when he went to Ottawa.  That Trudeau, can’t wait to meet him. I like Canada, they tell me our trade is kinda balanced and we get huge oil supplies from a friendly country.  I’m going to tell him that when I see him, not to crap his pants, it’s going to be OK.  I have great hotels in Canada, Toronto, like a Canadian version of New York.  I’ll tell him that too, can’t be too shy with the compliments, after all, I am a charmer, according to Conrad Black.  Is Conrad a Canadian again?  So much to remember here!

Theresa May, UK PM, came for a great, great meeting on Friday.  Was I presidential or what?  The press was all over me, what’s Trump gonna do, gonna say, but hey!  It was GREAT.  I told them I would be so presidential it would bore them, and I was FANTASTIC.  I even held her hand as we walked from the Oval back to the residence for lunch, just to show I have a soft side, you know?  As soon as I grabbed on, I heard a thousand clicks in the distance, like a thousand cockroaches getting squished at once, grabbing the shot.  The media, cockroaches, same thing, little nuisances running around, making a mess.  We’re gonna solve that too, you’ll see, you’ll see.  Maybe I’ll get them out of the White House press room and move them to bigger digs across the street, where some friendlier media, like Breitbart can get a seat.

Hey, I took the plane to Philly for a Republican meet, Air Force One.  Great, super plane, looks brand new!  Four billion dollars for new ones?  Forget it, Boeing.  Boeing should be PAYING the US government for using their planes, for all the free publicity they get.  I’ll even write a message over the cabin door, something like “Trump’s Air Force One by Boeing”, so the media all over the world see it when I travel, making more great deals to put American First.  Theresa loved me, I got Hollande and even Merkel to LAUGH when we spoke, that’s the charmer I am.

Gotta go, I’m grabbing Melania and Barron from New York and we’re heading to Florida for a few days at Mar-a-Largo, White House South by TRUMP!  Ivanka and Jared are staying behind to take care of things while I’m gone. So happy I made smart kids, beautiful kids, America is in good hands!

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