Random thoughts of a non-dog owner (In no particular order)

By Dr, Mark Grossman on September 19, 2016

anti_dog.JPGI am neither a dog lover or hater. I cried when Old Yeller died. Underdog was one of my childhood heroes.

But when I am invited to your house please have a person, and not your dog, answer the door. I do not like being pawed, barked at and sniffed in my nether regions in your vestibule, prior to be granted free passage into your home. I won’t object if you try to sniff me.

Please do not expect me to go onto the road so your dog can remain in the passing lane of the sidewalk. Do not assume that I wish to interact with your dog when out on my evening stroll. I will engage and babble in baby talk  If I want to have some dog time.

Thank you to all those who use the plastic grocery bags. I salute you. If your dog wants to irrigate my lawn, better to do it when I’m not gardening. I love watching dogs (and their owners) in dog parks. My wife finds this extremely annoying.

I read and loved Fifteen Dogs. (Especially when after reciting Shakespeare they would go and eat poo.) Please keep your dogs on a leash when walking through forested public walking paths. Having them do advanced scouting can be unnerving for us hobbits.

Getting a “sponge bath” from a dog, although yucky, does feel good. Please have a time limit on how long you let your dogs bark before letting them back in the house. On a positive note, I never have to set my alarm clock in the morning.

Shih Tzu describes very well these dogs’ personalities. Please be careful with those retractable leashes when on bike paths. Rollerblading and limbo dancing are mutually exclusive.

True story: I was recently “nipped” on the calf by a small dog. To my surprise, the owner thought nothing of it and continued walking by which led me to exclaim; “Hey. That’s a bit and run!”

I respect your right to own and love your dog. Please respect mine not to.


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