About love

By Jill Salomon on July 8, 2013

For some strange reason, I have not had a relationship in seven years. This last relationship was not even a good relationship. It was on again, off eight months. It was with a man who could not communicate his thoughts or feelings. If ever he did, it was purely physical. Men are like that.

I was not one to constantly say "what are you thinking".  That is a very big mistake, as the answer is usually a frustrating..."nothing...why?."

I crave communication. I need to understand and be understood.  I think that is the basis for any good relationship.

We have to build relationships. A solid base of trust and friendship. Caring, tenderness, a concern for the the other's well being.  An interest in their lives. An understanding of their likes and dislikes. Their passions. Their concerns. Their weak spots. Their strong suits.

But in this day and age, it seems that no one has the time.

You meet someone and you are immediately under the microscope.

You don't get many chances  in this disposable world ,where "next" is the operative word.

Someone better. Prettier. Smarter. Richer. Better in bed. Bigger Breasts. Smaller hips. Smaller nose. Nicer hair. Whatever.

I remember thinking when finding a boyfriend... finding love was easier.

Before all of the computer dating, where men go through profiles like a sears catalogue. Next. Choosing and unchoosing. Deleting, blocking, ignoring. Dating once, never calling back.

I mean, women are PEOPLE, not shoes.  There is always someone better. And we( women) are not any better. We do the same thing.

Some women are looking for money. Some are looking for their "soulmate" , don't get me started...

So what is love and how does one find it.?  That is my question.

I tried the bars. Then, after a few Friday nights, remembering that old movie with Diane Keaton, "Looking for Mr. Goodbar", and I got depressed picturing myself sitting at some bar downtown, hoping that Mr. Right was just going to walk in, sit down next to me and suddenly be wonderful. That does not happen. And if it does, it is Mr. Wrong appearing right and wonderful only to get you into bed.  He might be "here on business" and has this hotel room just waiting for you. 

He will give you his number (but it is the wrong number) and promise to call you again, but never does.

I thought that maybe the dog park might work - yes, the dog park.  I then realized that the guys with the great looks, with the intelligence I crave, were all married. Of course they are. They are great guys.  They may talk with you for an hour and you may start to think, "hey, what about this guy", and then he utters the dreaded "W" word.  "My wife and I are taking Bowser to Maine this summer. To the beach," and suddenly all your hopes are dashed. I know that I am not alone in how I feel.

One time I spent a whole afternoon on the woman's side of a dating site. Reading their profiles. Looking at their pictures. And there were thousands of them. Lonely. Women, like me, alone. Looking for love, or something like it. Do we really know what love is? Do we really want it? Can we handle it? I know that we want company.  That we want someone to call us during the day, Or  text, with little love notes, showing us that they miss us and can't wait to see us later. We long for this. We long to be wanted. Cared about. Cared for. Desired. 

But it just does not happen.

 "Hey, I think I'll try that singles party. " The one they keep sending me emails notifications about. I go. I see. I leave. Disappointed. There is something very uncomfortable and embarrassing about wearing name tags and announcing that you are single and lonely and actively looking for someone.  I will never again go to one of those parties.

"Don't look for Love. It will find you". I have heard this many times. When you least expect it, there he will be. And he will approach you...shyly and say.... "Wow, you have really nice eyes.

I've seen you around. Would you like to come and have a coffee with me. We can talk. You seem interesting."

I am starting to emotionally salivate. Dreaming of the day that this happens. I write about not giving up. I have faith. I have hope that he is out there somewhere.

And you know what, you really do have to love yourself before someone else will love you. So start loving yourself, ok. Things might just start to happen.

Start doing things for yourself. Things that interest you. Things that make you feel competent and good about yourself. Becoming the kind of person that YOU would like to meet. To know. To have a relationship with.

Go out and start playing tennis. Or go and learn how to play bridge, or golf or get on to that basketball court near your house and shoot some hoops. LOL) Join a walking club or a running club. It's raining men. All you have to do is catch the right drop. I really have to start taking my own advice. Good luck to one and to all, both women and men who are simply… looking for love.


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